How do you handle the sins of others? How should a believer deal with another believer who refuses to repent of and reject sin?
A friend from church comes to you for advice yet is not interested in hearing or conforming to the Bible when you point their attention to it. A person in your small group asks for prayer to overcome the same sin he has asked for prayer about the last 18 months in small group. You overhear a rather frank discussion between your roommate and his girlfriend and wonder what you are going to do with all that information.
Far too often it seems the Christian family reacts with the extremes of hot indignation or cold indifference. Sinclair Ferguson assessed the situation in these terms, “sometimes we seem as bad at handling others’ failures as we are at overcoming our own.” He went on to list several helpful and biblical principles which should help us respond well to the sins of others. Here is a summary of some of his thoughts along with my own.
Sorrow and self-examination should be among our immediate responses as we recognize the destructive nature of sin in the lives of others and the reality of our own sinfulness and weakness. Christ’s name has been marred, consequences of sinful choices now begin, hearts very well may begin to harden and lives have been impacted – observing sinful behavior in others is a sad thing. Check out Hebrews 5:2 to shape your response in this manner. The model of honesty and transparency of the Psalmist in 119:1-8 should be your guide.
Realistic and loving attempts at restoration are next. The question above directs us toward our response when these attempts are ignored. So, when these attempts are rejected, be quick to evaluate your words, approaches, patience, graciousness and facts to insure that your approach has not been a cause of rejection. There is to be a gentle component to approaching a brother (Galatians 6:1). If this is missing it can make the problem bigger, take responsibility for that wrong initial reaction if you need to.
If refusal to listen continues, then ongoing steps of prayerful involvement by other believers is necessary. Matthew 18:15-18 describes a process for rescuing and restoring a brother or sister living in sin. The process begins with a private face to face interaction between the sinning individual and the person sinned against or closely involved. The scriptures lay out a slow progression based on the sinning brother’s responsiveness. Only if the individual refuses to listen and repent does the process continue to another level involving greater care, more people and increasing authority. It is wise to enlist the help and counsel of your church leaders as you move through this process.
Remember if a sinning individual repents, seeks forgiveness and is restored, in most circumstances, no one else needs to be involved or even told of the situation. As unpleasant as it may be, if the individual refuses to be restored to fellowship with God and the church, you must change your relationship to relating to them as you would an unbeliever.
Other helpful sources include Peacemaker Ministries at
www.hispeace.org and Sinclair Ferguson’s article, The Battle is Won through Forgiveness, found at the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals website,
www.alliancenet.org.